I know what it feels like. I know how it feels to love someone so much that you start to believe that you love them more than the way they love you. You constantly feel like you are the only one putting in any effort, and the only one that wants to spend time with them. They do not show you enough, they do not tell you enough, and that is what makes you over think situations. I know how it feels to love, but I also know what it feels like to feel like you are the only one giving it your all and the only one that loves the most. I know what it feels like because i’ve been through it too.
I cannot necessarily explain to you how I feel right now, which is why I write it all out. This past week, I have not really been feeling happy with myself. I feel like things between us are slowly drifting away. With your short and late replies, I feel as though you do not want to be with me or something. To be honest, I hate it. It feels like you are not really with me, and it makes me feel like what we have built is slowly crumbling down slowly, you just have not realize it. I know because I am a girl, I am much more sensitive, and I notice the little details. I really wish you would spend more time with me, and show me you care because recently, you have not been. I don’t know what to do anymore.
So what’s the next step after us?
The Linger and Memories:
It’s okay to sit in bed all day, curl up under your blankets and to cry. It’s okay to cry because it will let out all your emotions in some type of way that will help you release your anger, sadness, and hurt all together. It’s okay to reminisce the good times and the bad times. It is okay to think about it. It’s okay to miss it all. It’s okay to miss him/her. It’s okay. Do you miss the thought of him/her, the idea of them, or the good times?
One day, you’re going to be ready. You’re going to open your eyes, and you’re going to be ready for the next days that are too come. You’re going to get up, go out, and you’re going to talk when you’re ready. Go out with friends, do things that will distract you for the mean time, and try something new. When you’re ready, everything will be okay. Everything will be alright, because it’s okay not to be okay.
Find the light to yourself. Try new things that you’ve never done before, and take risks. The excitement feelings that will be rushing through your spine will trigger new ideas and feelings that you have never felt before, and you will feel better. You’ll probably forgot about everything that has happened, even if it is just for a split second, and it’s going to be okay. Smile. Be positive. Surround yourself with light, positivity and get rid of all the darkness aura that was around you. Life is about finding yourself. Love yourself first because everything will be okay.
Every single piece of bone in my body is slowly rotting as my insides are collapsing.
When you have a person that is willing to give you their all, don’t take them for granted and give them your all back. When you finally have someone who cares about you a lot, someone who is loyal, someone who will do anything and everything for you, take a step back and realize what you have. Because once they start to realize, you do not deserve any of that because you do not give it your 120%, they will start to give you less attention, less everything. So cherish what you have, it can be gone in a blink of a second.
Is it sad, that no matter how badly you treated me in the past, i’m willing to still be here for you at the end of the day.
You know what sucks, when you thought you finally found someone who could make you happy, but instead doesn’t.
Too many times have I encountered with the existence of temporary. It feels different and weird to see people you once knew living their lives perfectly fine without you. People who you’d thought would always be there by your side. The way you used to be so close. You used to talk everyday. You used to miss each other almost instantly. You used to share everything, you used to rely on each other, you used to be an important part of each other’s lives.
And now, it’s over. All the memories are there; however, now you barely talk. Now you barely know what’s going on in each other’s lives. Now you sometimes have conversations but you run out of things to talk about. You see pictures and notice how everything has changed. And it’s sad.
Maybe it’s happened to you before. When you lose a best friend, a love, or a family member all because of unexpected circumstances? Or a sudden disappearance without an explanation? I know for a fact that it’s happened to me. Numerous of times, and trust me, it hurts doesn’t it?
So how do we know that our current relationships will actually last? How do we know that our current bonds won’t be more than temporary? Well truth is, we don’t. We can’t predict it. And that’s why sometimes, only sometimes, I feel as if nothing lasts forever in this world. Nothing.
I believe in long distance. I really do.
I believe that long distance relationships are the one’s worth fighting for if you genuinely like this individual. It’s also the toughest ones to go through. Who could have ever known that someone so far away can have such a huge impact on you. Some have met. Some have never met. Some started to develop feelings. Some fell in love. Some disappeared. What really interests me is how one fell in love, not because of their appearance or what their social status was, but through the endless conversations, talks, moments, the emotions etc etc. It amazes me how what the norm perceives expect to be impossible, can be possible. Because it can happen and it does.