Too many times have I encountered with the existence of temporary. It feels different and weird to see people you once knew living their lives perfectly fine without you. People who you’d thought would always be there by your side. The way you used to be so close. You used to talk everyday. You used to miss each other almost instantly. You used to share everything, you used to rely on each other, you used to be an important part of each other’s lives.
And now, it’s over. All the memories are there; however, now you barely talk. Now you barely know what’s going on in each other’s lives. Now you sometimes have conversations but you run out of things to talk about. You see pictures and notice how everything has changed. And it’s sad.
Maybe it’s happened to you before. When you lose a best friend, a love, or a family member all because of unexpected circumstances? Or a sudden disappearance without an explanation? I know for a fact that it’s happened to me. Numerous of times, and trust me, it hurts doesn’t it?
So how do we know that our current relationships will actually last? How do we know that our current bonds won’t be more than temporary? Well truth is, we don’t. We can’t predict it. And that’s why sometimes, only sometimes, I feel as if nothing lasts forever in this world. Nothing.
I believe in long distance. I really do.
I believe that long distance relationships are the one’s worth fighting for if you genuinely like this individual. It’s also the toughest ones to go through. Who could have ever known that someone so far away can have such a huge impact on you. Some have met. Some have never met. Some started to develop feelings. Some fell in love. Some disappeared. What really interests me is how one fell in love, not because of their appearance or what their social status was, but through the endless conversations, talks, moments, the emotions etc etc. It amazes me how what the norm perceives expect to be impossible, can be possible. Because it can happen and it does.
I miss you. I miss the good/old times and I know I can’t have them back. You know that we can’t bring those memories back, but we can make new ones that’ll be more amazing than they were in the past because I know I can’t have those moments with anyone else but you…
And along the way, I had forgot to love myself. I was selfless for too long. I did as much as I can to make you happy that I forgot how to make myself happy. Why make someone else your priority when they make you feel like you’re not even theirs? You pushed me away, when I wanted nothing but to show you that I cared and loved you and it was my way of showing it. You pushed me away and you’re saying I did. Lol.
Our love is like waiting on a train station. Waiting on these tracks hoping it’d change it’s course. I’m trying not to pretend like it won’t happen again and again like that. You made me happy baby, love is crazy. So amazing but its changing, rearranging. Our love fell off the track and now i’ll be jumping trains.
Recently I have been feeling lost and alone. I am not quite sure which direction my life is going in, and it is something that I am trying to figure out. I am tired of feeling hurt and sad. I wish someone would show me that they do care, and I wish that somebody was here for me right now.